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All
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©
Shawn Lyons and JB Flinders.
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Movie
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property
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| Bloodsport (1988) | ||
Shawn JB Shawn: Ah, The classic late night TBS movie, Bloodsport. JB: Wait, I thought First Blood was the late night TBS movie? Shawn: Only on weekends. JB: Oh. Shawn: This is one of Van Damme's first movies. It has a b-movie style making it unpolished with horrible acting by Van Damme, but it's so entertaining. Van Damme is the famous Frank Dux... JB: Famous? He's not in my History of Martial Arts book. Shawn: You mean that 99 cent minibook you bought at the K Mart checkout line? JB: Actually it was Target. You see, I can find everything I need at Target, from clothes to sporting goods to food items. Target really is the one-stop shopping store. Shawn: Um... So Van Damme, he's fighting to win the illegal Kumite martial arts competition off in Hong Kong. Funny slow-motion martial arts action and the cheesy characterizations by the actors make this movie really fun to watch; they both give this movie an unexpected charm. JB: Unexpected charm? Shawn: Oh, the awesome pop music also helps. Definitely introduced the world to Van Damme's mastery of doing the splits in every setting and position humanly possible. JB: No kidding. He does the splits about 12 times in this movie. The last 45 minutes of this movie is great. There's lots of crotch hitting, neck breaking, and sand throwing, which is why this sport is illegal. Although Major League Baseball could take a few lessons from this... As for the movie, it is inspiring, and an involving story. Short of seeing it every 2 weeks on TV, this is a surprisingly good martial arts flick. Watch for the big scary Enter the Dragon bad guy who you'll see in every other Van Damme film. Shawn: And don't forget the splits. Truly Van Damme's finest hour. JB: Or 30 minutes anyway. |
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WORST PART OF THIS MOVIE: The cast. BEST PART OF THIS MOVIE: The slow mo. WORDS THAT SOUND MOST LIKE DUX: Flew, blew, Lemieux, true, achoo, view, Kalamazoo, ducks. BEST TIME TO CRY (IN A MANLY WAY): When Van Damme's doing the splits between those two trees. My eyes watered and I didn't even know why. |
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